she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
