This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i now understand why vodka
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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