it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
