Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this will be a night to untag.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
