he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All I want is dick and wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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