i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
