I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
