You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
