I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
