how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pants are for mortals
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
