the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
