I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
