so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
