ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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