So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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