She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
