We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
