If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
