i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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