Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Houston, we have a squirter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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