once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
