my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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