I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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