worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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