just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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