You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
