Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
