Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
