Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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