Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line