I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?