You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen