I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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