I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do herpes really smell.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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