I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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