Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize