Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
