Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
