your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I party with great urgency now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
