Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
