R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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