Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
