My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
As shirtless as possible
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
