if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
