then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
