In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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