Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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