Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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