Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
