im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
