there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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