no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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