wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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