I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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