Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
