I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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