After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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