there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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