piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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