I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to stop coming to work sober
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize