chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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