Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
