see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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