It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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