I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
