You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
