Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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