So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
