i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
