you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize