yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
