I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
