I am puke
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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