No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
