You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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