I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
