just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize