in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
