the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You smell like stripper and shame
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
