After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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