Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
